What’s it like fee...BEING an Impostor

Not the first and won’t be the last. 

Our lives and careers are filled with moments of doubt, anxiety, and occasionally, embarassement, remorse...For the choices we’ve taken, for decisions we made and ‘cleverly’ concluded in hindsight they were incorrect, for things we didn’t do and ‘so obviously’ should have done.

And while fighting against these internal saboteurs is a daily challenge, seldom is there a chance of proving them right.

Until you have a misstep - perceived or real - and you can see things take a turn for the worse. In.slow.motion.

...You are there, but you are not yourself. You are witnessing it all but cannot allow yourself to intervene. You are Nero and are watching Rome burn.

At this moment the weight of inevitability sinks in. You prepare to have your demons devour any remaining bit of dignity you were holding onto. You suddenly become the disgraceful incompetent being you always suspected to be. Guilt, humilliation, sorrow consume you. And it might even be satisfying, as you are getting your long-time-coming ‘unmasking’; you’ve been outted, there is no need to continue pretending.

...Which is an ironic twist considering i spent my teen years romantisizing the melancholic darkness only the truly inspired genius could feel and master to the benefit of their pieces.

But I suppose by the same token, you will rise above your expectations. That’s the best part of having them so low.