Arrived. ?

So. Tomorrow's the big day. Well, the pre-first day. A day long awaited for me and everyone close - I'm meeting my future team, of my future role.

That means I got a job offer at a company that I value, in a position that I value with conditions that I'm happy with - very happy with. 

That also means that I successfully managed to circumvent 3 years outside the corporate world, not only minimising its impact on my career progression, but even eliminate any risk of career misstep. Let's be honest, getting a B5-equivalent role in a strong company it's not something I phanthomed, as not too long ago I was applying to roles of significantly less seniority and skill. It was on the cards, but with low likelihood given Corona context, recruitment processes available and at hand for my seniority, and limited connections in this city. 

Most importantly, it means I got the chance - actually privilege feels more accurate -  to fully enjoy 3 full years of a leap into the void, dream pregnancy, gratification of being present for your baby, going up and down on professional self-assurance, jumping at an elite startup incubator and force myself outthere....and coming out the other side unscathed. 

And it comes with a big sigh of *RELIEF*.

But as my brain would have it, this is about as much as I can enjoy and "kudo" myself. 

The show must go on, and this show apparently feeds on anxiety, concern, and of course, continuous self-exerting pressure and guilt. 

For the moment it's things like..."Where are you in the things you listed so confidently 6 months ago? Hell, 3 weeks ago? Do I need to recall them for you? Let's see...*unscrolls papyrus* Rearrange the closets, rearrange the MAC files, hanging pictures for Nina's bedroom, choosing photos for living rooms, buying plants, PREPARE NINA'S B-DAY - HAVE YOU ORDERED HER CAKE? SHE'S GONNA BE CAKELESS and you'll fail as mother, in the eyes of all your guests...btw, where are you with the SITTER? GYNO? REGISTRATION? 2YO REVISION? HAIRDRESSER APPOINTMENT...You're not going to the new office WITH THAT HAIR, ARE YOU¿???"

But of course, there's always room for extra (usual) guests...Overwhelm and paralysis. 

These guys love to throw a good old' scenario of 3 weeks of laundry to catchup on, not finding the steam iron to make yourself presentable and a closet rack fall down with 30 coats...

FUKIN' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

All good now. Off to sleep, nighty night.