A recount of Gap Year

Last  week I had an interview with a Nova MBA student who is building her thesis on the topic of Gap Years and their impact on a career. Courtesy of Pedro Ramos, international connector.

For an hour I had the chance to relive and reflect on a key experience of my life that, among other things, I regret never properly documenting. 

Why didn’tI?

Things happened so fast, logistics were not always friendly, or I was too tired at the end of each day to make a thorough account of the day’s events. At least that is what I wish happened. Truth is - as RIDICULOUS and SHALLOW  as it may be - I never got beyond my initial web journal post because it wasn’t perfect enough to build on it. And until I fixed it (the wallpaper, my intro, or whatever it was), I couldnt add anything to it. And then time started to pass by and i had posts in delay, and now i couldnt publish it (ie share it w friends) and now whats the point.

My vanity, or need to validation, got me to a point of paralysis. Because what started as an intention to record my steps, my unconfessional journal of “The time I went travelling alone with nothing by a backpack and my thoughts”...got taken over by the opportunity to show off and get praise and validation. And that raised the bar of what to say, and how to say it, with which pictures...As so nany other things, ended up in the mixed bag of “later ill sort it and put it all well together”.

First few weeks at “Entrepreneur School”

Week 1

Nervousness, assessing of the rest of the cohort, taking notes, getting the hang of the design sprints (1 day to work on a case).

Week 2

You already have people you identify with and gravitate around during breaks, mostly because you have worked w them or met previously. I think i met 25-50%. 

Week goes by and feeling bummed and discouraged. I haven’t won any of the design sprints. Rn, trying not to think I’m the common piece. 

A few of us confess subtly feeling the pressure of having to find a team to work (and eventually track out) with, especially because we don’t have a winning idea ourselves.

Also regret not having presented anything beyond once in the 1st week. Every interaction counts and as always im too nice and generous w others. Is the correct approach or am i undermining myself?

Week 3

School is over. Classes and orgnized schedule by Antler is now reduced to a couple of sessions in the week. It is up to the cohort to organized itself and decide on its own team work. 

With 6 weeks till Xmas break (it or make it) I think there’s enough time to give it a shot to brainstorming sessions around passion topics like sustainability or women’s mental health.

It goes nowhere, as it normally does when its 8ppl sitting without a plan of action. I continue to test/think thru my stroller lease idea but upon “ sleeping on it” I decide to drop it. Besides the operational complexity (that Kabeer reassures me it is not a problem for logistic experts, but I know that Antler would not but it), I dont see a sustainable way around the financial piece (upfront capital for a long term lease), and that a droplet in the water cup.

I pivot to help Kabeer more intentionally validating his idea with shop owners. Got excited about doing research and uncovering insights but that bubble was partially bust when Arno confided over friday lunch that Kabeer was pressuring him and Mo (hammed) to track out with another idea. It felt disloyal, not because of working w different ppl (im doing that too) but bcoz he wasnt transparent about it; in fact he had told me he had consulted other folks but “only for 10min”...

Ended the week with opposing feelings: Tatiana and Bartozs wanting me in the team and being impressed by my suggestions stroke my ego and gave me a natural high, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling of being underdelivering on expectations until I come up with my own idea (and a strong one too!).

Have homework to do, clearly.

Week 4

Basketball court

 Small girl jitters

Hopeful glances from the downlooking seats

A wishful visit to a place where nostalgia lived many moons ago

You came. And brought a friend; a long time one

What does it mean.